Muc-Off, MotherFudder

Would you spend nearly $200 for a bike chain?

What if I told you that this chain promises to save you nearly 6 watts of energy? What if I told you that the power savings were good for about 400 miles (less if you get caught in the rain)?

What if I told you that Sir Bradley Wiggins broke the Hour Record using similar technology?!

Dammit, somebody tell me where I can buy one of these chains!

That's right - the latest "must have" performance enhancing technology designed to separate the performance addict from his money is the "nanotube optimized chain" from Muc-Off.

Always wear gloves when handling the nanotube optimized chain. Failure to do so will result in contamination and loss of performance. Or so I surmise from the pictures.

Pre-treated with something called "nanotube speed film" -- supposedly a "military grade" additive -- the Muc-Off chain is not just for racers, but is aimed at "all riders" -- whether road, track, triathlon, or even MTB. Anybody who is willing to pay ridiculous sums of money for marginal gains, that is.

According to Muc-Off, each chain is "painstakingly speed graded and run-in under load during which data is taken to find its optimum."

Er, ah, Optimum what?

Then it is specially hand-treated with the nanotube formula, working tiny nanotube particles into every nook and cranny of the chain. And the company claims that there is no sharp drop-off in performance as there can be with dry-wax treatments. But it's only good for about 400 miles. Then you need to re-treat it with the company's special "Nanotube Speed Film Lube" which will help restore some of the chain's amazing performance -- but not all of it. The home re-treatment should bring it back to within 1-2 watts of its original from-the-factory performance.

Well, that seems reasonable.

With all these marginal gains that are available out there, any rider with more money than brains should be able to build himself a bike that saves so many watts that it pedals itself.

Remember the Ceramicspeed O'SPEW Derailleur Pulleys that promise to save 2.4 watts for only $500? For another $1000 or so, you could save up to 9 more watts by upgrading the hubs and bottom bracket, too.

Save any more watts than that, and the power company will have to start paying you to ride your bike!