Revisiting Halo Bikes

It's been a while since I've looked into the ridiculous upper stratosphere of bikes for the ultra rich -- the top 1% of the über elites who both move and shake simultaneously.

Who can forget such lofty wünderbikes as the Lamborghini Aventador BMC Impec: a bike whose name alone works out to about $8000 per word.

That's about $32,000 folks.

Or the Aston Martin One-77 (made by Factor bicycles). I think they charge a person just to ask the price, but I hear it starts around $39,000.

That's a year's salary for a lot of Americans.

Both of those were "collabos" between bicycle companies and automotive marques. And the same is true of this outrageously priced machine:

The Bugatti by PG Bikes is said to list for $39,000. They call it "The Unrivaled Urban Bike."

The PG Bugatti is claimed to be 95% carbon fiber, and features an unusual asymmetrical seat-stay chain-stay design. That is, it has one seat-stay (on the left) and one chain-stay (on the right). It also utilizes belt drive, and has a single front brake that is somehow hidden or "faired-in" behind the front fork, and activated by an impossibly delicate-looking brake lever.

The company makes a point of trying to connect this outrageously impractical "urban bike" with the equally outrageous Bugatti Chiron hypermobile.

For reasons I can't quite figure out, the website for the bike lists fuel economy and CO2 emissions figures for the car, but nothing comparable for the bicycle:

My math is terrible - and my understanding of European "efficiency class" standards is minimal. But I think that the fuel consumption on the Chiron works out to something like 10 miles per gallon in "combined" driving (or around 6 mpg city). And efficiency class G is about the worst rating given. Basically, the car is like a big, conspicuous raised middle finger to the world. I guess if someone spends $2.7 million to buy the car, they might feel compelled to spend another $39,000 on a bicycle that lets them kid themselves that they're "doing something for the environment." More likely, though, it would just be another obnoxious trophy to crass consumerism.

As if I needed to add anything else to make my point that the $39,000 Unrivaled Urban Bike is a complete crock, I spotted this little detail on the website:

"The special bike is a piece of sports equipment which is not intended to be used on public roads."
What else do you need to know?

I'm thinking "UnRIDEable Urban Bike" might be a more appropriate name.

Not a car-company collaboration - but perhaps no less ridiculous because of that, there is the Ventum One Signature Edition.

$32,500

The Ventum One is a triathlon-specific design, which includes a specially designed integral water bottle, and a swoopy seat-stay-less frame not terribly unlike such aero-design time trial and/or pursuit bikes as the '96 U.S. Olympic "Superbike" or mid-'90s Pinarello Espada. The signature edition is said to be custom fitted for the buyer, and includes unique custom paint and a matching helmet "that reflects your personal style."

The regular Ventum One (the non-signature one) starts at $6875 -- I could be wrong but the website leads me to believe that it has the same basic frame, minus the custom paint scheme (and matching helmet), less expensive wheels, and Shimano Ultegra components. So what makes the Signature Edition worth another $25 grand?

It's the buying "experience."

The buying "experience" includes a professional photo shoot.

From their website: "Fly first-class from your home to Scottsdale, Arizona where you will join us at the Faster Wind tunnel — the same facility where we developed the Ventum One. You’ll spend two days and nights in Scottsdale at a five-star resort, including a full day with engineers and fit specialists from Ventum and Faster. We will optimize every aspect of your new bike and riding position in the wind tunnel. You will then get out on the road to make sure you’re completely dialed in. Your Ventum Signature Experience concludes with a professional photo shoot on your new bike with the stunning Arizona scenery as the backdrop."

Bikes like the Bugatti, the Ventum, and the others almost (I repeat, almost) make these other machines seem like bargains. Don't kid yourself. They're not.

Cervélo's RCA is $10,000 just for the frame.

The folks at Cervélo must love the fact that bikes like the Ventum exist if for no other reason than that they can make a claim like "all the performance at half the price" or some such thing.

The Cervélo P5X eTAP triathlon bike is a cool $15,000. Less than half the price of the Ventum One Signature - but don't get smug about it.

Still outrageous, but compared to the other car-company collaborations, the Specialized McLaren Roubaix comes in at an almost reasonable $11,500. Their previous collabo, the McLaren S-Works Tarmac, was about $20,000.

Dammit! See what I just did there? They've even got me doing it now. It's like a contagious disease!

Specialized McLaren S-Works Roubaix Dura Ace Di2 - at "only" $11,500

When things get to the point where $11 grand starts sounding reasonable, I need to get back to huffing tins of Brooks Proofide like an asthma inhaler, and get out for a ride on a classic steel bike.

Steel frame, friction shifting, 2x5 "10 speed" drivetrain. Kinda' helps get the priorities straight.