As this ridiculous film opens, we are introduced one by one to the kids who will be participating in the Bicycle Safety Camp -- apparently against their will, as if it were some kind of court-ordered (or in this case, parent-ordered) driving school for people with multiple moving violations.
One by one, meet the campers:
|First comes Boomer, strutting off the bus with a backwards ball cap and an oversized boom-box on his shoulder. "Check out Boomer, he's a rockin' jock. Scores on the field -- speeds down the block."|
|Then there's Julie, the rich girl, being helped out of a limo by her chauffeur. "Julie ran a stop sign on her way to the mall. Her dad took her charge cards, and that's not all."|
|Rita arrives, skipping to the park with a pair of skates slung over her shoulder. "Now Rita can do every trick on skates, but bike tricks are more than her family can take."|
|The littlest one at the camp is Arthur, the stereotypical glasses-wearing, book-loving dweeb. "Arthur loves his books and he's smart in school too, but when it comes to bikes he's really got no clue."|
|Last comes Rebop, the supposed "bad boy" with a mullet who wears a neon-splashed sleeveless shirt, shredded jeans, and fingerless gloves. "Rebop's tough - a really funky dude, but on a bike he needs a change in aaattituuude!"|
|♫ "Stop. STOP. Look all about. Make sure nobody's coming, THEN move out." ♫|
|♫ "We keep to the right and ride WITH the traffic. If you ride against the traffic, cars get UPTIGHT. Ride WITH the traffic, and keep to the right." ♫|
|♫ "What's that say? Stop. STOP! So, what do we do? Stop. STOP. STOP! With your foot-brakes. STOP! With your hand-brakes. STOP! I didn't hear you. STOP!" ♫ |
Yes, please. Stop. Please.
|♫ "When it's time to turn, here's what you've got to learn. Look around and back this way to make SURE it's OK. Then give 'em a sign, and you'll be fine." ♫|
|♫"An intersection is a dangerous place. Get off and walk it. Get off and walk it."♫|
|♫"Concentrate. Concentrate. Use your head. Concentrate. Concentrate on what's ahead."♫|
After all the musical safety tips are done, the kids take a "riding test" and review all of Sam's safety lessons on a "magical" blackboard that shows video clips.
After passing their test, the whole team raps about bike safety, and how much they love it. And perhaps not surprisingly, the MOST IMPORTANT safety rule of all is to Always Wear a Helmet. Sam then tells the campers they get to keep the bikes they used at the camp (admission fees must have been pretty expensive!).
|♫"So you all learned the rules, and camp is done. See, it wasn't boring. Bike safety is FUN! We rode down the road with the greatest of ease, without risking our lives, without skinning our knees!"♫|
|In the end, all the kids wave to Sam and ride off on their new bikes, hopefully to be good little bicycling citizens who follow the rules -- and ALWAYS wear a helmet.|
|Now I think I understand why Sam wears a helmet at all times.|
You can watch Bicycle Safety Camp right here, but I need to warn you that it's around 20 minutes long, which is about twice as long as most vintage safety films, and easily twice as long as it needs to be. Also, The Retrogrouch is not responsible for any ill effects the music may have on viewers.